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Hello, Feb. Just thought of listing my favorites from the past month. Here goes…

1. MAKEUP

Never, in my entire lifetime, have I imagined that I’d learn to love makeup. Simply saying that makes me cringe in myself. Haha. But recently, I’ve been learning to put them on and I actually enjoyed it! It started when I had to learn how to draw some eyebrows for my mom. When she was in chemotherapy, all her hairs were gone. Including her eyebrows. So I ordered an eyebrow pencil for her. But it was frustrating because I didn’t even know how to draw one (my mom doesn’t know too — I guess the apple indeed doesn’t fall far from the tree). So, in my downtime, I would try it on my face. I’d watch YouTube tutorials for beginners. And boom, I (kinda) learned how to draw her eyebrows. The next thing I know, I was already buying eyeshadows, eyeliner pencil, mascara, and all other paraphernalia that I wouldn’t have ever thought of buying years ago. Lol. For a total beginner like myself, I think I’ve outdone myself just by putting on some foundation. Haha.





2. BOOKS

I vowed at the beginning of the year to read and finish more books this year. So far, I’ve been reading 2 books at a time, and I’m nowhere near finishing either of them. But to be fair, I’ve actually disciplined myself not to buy more books until I finish the unfinished ones. So there’s that.

The 2 books that I’ve been enjoying by far are Never Split The Difference by Chris Voss and Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins. Both of which are from personal experiences. But the first one talks more about how to negotiate as this is written by a former FBI agent who’s on the top of his game during his service. I love that whatever he learned in negotiation during a hostage crisis can also be applied in whatever aspect of life — even in casual conversation. I’m trying to apply the techniques in my daily life as much as I could. By the end of this year, who knows, I might be a good addition to the FBI. Lol. The second book by David Goggins (who by the way is a record-holder of the most pull-ups in 24 hours) is a story about his life and how he had overcome the adversities, from living with an abusive father down to facing prejudice of being a black American. I’m not even halfway through but I’m already greatly inspired by his willpower at such a young age.




3. BANANA SMOOTHIE

Been making banana smoothie during the later part of January to add to my diet. My goodness, it’s so hard to gain back the pounds that I lost last year because of mental struggles which affected my health. But it’s fine. I’m learning to be patient with my progress. I saw this video so I made one myself and damn, I gained almost 1kg in a week. Mind you, that’s a great achievement for someone like me who’s got a fast metabolism. So far, I’m loving the extra calories. I hope and pray that I’ll be consistent with this and also in my… workout. Well, that’s a totally different evil altogether.



4. ZACK TABUDLO PLAYLIST

Finally, you know those days when you don't feel like listening to new songs because you found a playlist that you'd like to abuse. Yup, this is one of those times. And the lucky playlist is from Zack Tabudlo. But seriously though, last month I was just listening to his songs nonstop. It's been a vibe. I wonder if I'll find some new playlist or still stick to my old ones this month. Let's see if I surprise myself.



How about you, care to share your favorite things from last month? xx
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It’s the first day of 2022 and what better way to start the year than having some 2021 review with our lives.

So, I’m starting this favorites blog (I mean, not that you care) to track my hobbies and some things that keep me sane this year. I know I’m pretty inconsistent.

Here are the top things that I have been enjoying for the past year (actually just for the past months haha):

1. Skillshare
I paid a subscription to skillshare this year just ‘cause I want to hone my skills and learn new things. The top classes that I’ve enrolled in are those from Thomas Frank, Nathaniel Drew, and Ali Abdaal. Most of which are about productivity and organization which I suck at. Others are about content creation like editing videos and how to kind of unleash your creative side. I’m learning a lot and it sure gets overwhelming at times but for the most part, I’m really enjoying it.

2. Final Cut Pro X
I’ve been using Final Cut Pro X since the start of the year. Although I haven’t purchased the whole thing, I’m taking advantage of the free trial for 90 days. Which I can reinstall over and over again. I don’t know if it’s a bug or Apple intentionally leaves that option. Either way, I hope it stays this way until I can finally afford to buy it. Lol

So, I compiled all my 2021 footage. And I realized how all this time, I was just at home due to a work-from-home setup. Not that I’m complaining. I’m grateful to have a job during this uncertain time. However, watching the raw videos, I felt how different this year was from last year. Of course, every year is different. But to be honest, this year has been such a stretch for me. I guess that’s just life. And we have to deal with it. Thank God, I have these videos to reflect on.

3. Film Photography
Months ago, I bought 2 film cameras. One disposable point-and-shoot camera and one mechanical camera. I know, I know. I jumped on the bandwagon. But I wouldn’t have to if it’s not something that really sparks my interest. It just felt so nostalgic. Don’t we all want to go back to that feeling of being a child when life was so simple? I think film does just that. It instantly takes you on a trip down memory lane. Not to mention, the intentionality in every shot that you take makes that still more precious. I guess that’s why our photographs back then have that certain attachment. Or maybe that’s just me. Anyways, it was just recently that I started to use the mechanical camera. I just finished all the shots from the point-and-shoot before I decided to try my luck in a manual one. Damn, it’s fun so far but I don’t know how long I can wait to see the outcome of my film rolls.

4. Books
Like physical books. It was last year when I decided to purchase kindle books because it was more convenient and I was thinking of helping save trees by not buying physical books. But was I naive? I don’t know. Haha. Regardless, this year I just went right back to purchasing physical books. I guess the experience is irreplaceable. Anyways, I read about maybe 10 books in total, most of which are unfinished. What a sucker. This year, I wanna commit to reading (and finishing!) more books. 

So, those are the top things that I deeply enjoyed this year in between moments of just making lectures about calculus. What are yours? I’d love to know them. Have a blast this 2022 xx

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I don’t hate MCU. I guess I just never had the chance to appreciate it in the past. While my brothers (or friends) watch and talk about marvel, I’d be preoccupied with my own movie/novel addiction.

It was only recently that I came to realize how impactful their universe is. When Avengers: Infinity War was released last year, the movie was all over the place. The hype was never-ending, mind you. While I’m not one to easily jump into the bandwagon, I couldn’t help but be curious. A close friend of mine always talks about the movie. ALWAYS. My gosh, I lost count. He even rewatched it a million times already. Legend says he’s still watching it. Haha.

Anyway, he would send me videos and links to some fight scenes in the movie and I would watch them without a clue as to why and how these scenes came up to be. So, with so much curiosity, I finally succumbed to the pressure and watched Infinity War.

It was great. But damn, I was so lost half of the time. Why? Because I have never watched a full movie of MCU. Not Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, or any of it. What a cavewoman. Haha. I remember asking a lot of questions while watching the movie at home. My brothers were so annoyed.

Wait, what happened to Thor? DID THIS THANOS GUY JUST KILL LOKI?! Why does the start of the movie feel like a climax already? What are these stones anyway?

See, I would be annoyed too if I were my brothers. But it took me a year to completely dive into MCU. When Endgame was released this year, I couldn’t stand the lack of understanding for each character. Not anymore.

So, I looked for a list of movies I should watch before Endgame. And I found it in Wikipedia. They listed the movies from phase 1-3. With some happy coincidence, some movies were in Netflix already so I didn’t have a hard time downloading all of them.

Then, there began the journey. I would watch 1-3 movies a day not only because I wanted to keep up but because I was slowly sucked into the stories. I was beginning to understand every character’s back story. And why they did what they did in Infinity War. Except maybe Quill. That one I still couldn’t get over with.

Speaking of, my most favorite movie/s of them all would have to be Guardians of the Galaxy! Man, I love their dynamics as a team. How they sort of accidentally formed into one big group of random people and bonded as a family. That gets me every time. And the story about how they portrayed Yondu in Vol. 2 as Quill’s father figure all this time, that was the best! Not to mention the awesome soundtrack in the movie. And the cuteness of baby Groot. I mean, you just never ran out of things to love about Guardians.

So then, I rewatched Infinity War and you know that feeling when every minute, every frame, every conversation finally made sense to you? Multiply that by 9, that's how I felt about it. Haha. After I watched phase 1-3, I still ended up downloading them all anyway. And watching them all over again.

I also found myself buying avenger lego toys and an avenger tumbler. Oh no. I hope you Marvel fans out there welcome me with open arms as I curl into your bubble of established fandom, yes? Yes. Thank you. ðŸ˜Š



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I have said this a hundred times: early this year I’ve shifted from novels to self-help books. And the book that has the biggest influence on this transition is Paano Ba' To?! by Bianca Gonzalez.

I have always wanted to buy this book when it came out because there were a lot of positive reviews. But for some constraints, I did not get the chance to buy it.

So fast forward to March 2017, when I went with my parents to CDO, I saw 4 copies of this book at National Bookstore so I bought one even though it wasn't the book that I initially planned on buying. Thank God for some happy accidents.

Speaking of which, I don’t plan to make this a review but I guess we’re heading to that direction so let’s see:

1. I’m not very good with arts, calligraphy and everything else in between but I personally love the creative design of this book. From front to back cover, there are a lot of random cliparts which I don’t really find annoying or magulo. In fact, I find it cute and complementary to the white cover.


2. When you open the front and back cover, you will see calligraphic writing of inspirational quotes. Again, surprisingly it’s not irritating to the eyes. I had fun reading them. So I think #ProjectBG Team found the right balance. (Wow. Expert… ish.)


3. The division of chapters is simple and true to its sense as well - Family, Friendship, Love, Career & Money, Failures, Fashion & Beauty, Purpose, and Self. Bianca also purposely left a blank page for the readers/writers to write on after every chapter. I like this part because it encourages an interaction (and assessment) of some sort. She then ended with some beautiful quotes as takeaway.


4. With regards to the content, I love the straight-to-the-point advice not just from Bianca but also from her friends – Toni, Anne, Luis, and a lot more. And because they’re speaking from first-hand experiences, it gives more weight to the words.


5. Bianca quoted here a lot of inspiring words from great books. This led me to reading Essentialism to The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck which then paved the way to books that I wish I had known and read in the past.


6. It comes with these lovely stickers!


A little fact: I wanted to give this book to a friend but because of the end-of-the-chapter journal, I couldn’t. My dark little secrets are scribbled on those pages. I wouldn’t risk it. Lol. Speaking of, here’s a letter to myself that I’ve written after the last chapter. Write something for yourself too! ;)
Dear self,

Wow. Unsa toy uso ron, we started from the bottom and now we’re here?! Hehe.

The fact that you now (almost) finish this book is something to be proud of. It means you acknowledge your worries, anxieties, shortcomings and you’re willing to be better. It means you have an open mind for new perspective. So quit worrying. You’re doing just fine. There’s one person that I haven’t apologized to and that’s you. Sorry for those failures and times when I didn’t stand up for you. You deserve better.

So what I really like to say is I pray that you find that one job that will make you wanna wake up and get up every day. I hope you never forget who you are living for – the God who deserves your praises. I dream for you to be more passionate on your craft, more loving not just to family and friends but also to the unlovable, to be more compassionate and empathetic, to be more courageous and confident, more forgiving – to others and to yourself, to choose to be happy everyday, to be generous and to always radiate positivity and humility.

I want you to know that you’re beautiful – inside and out. Because God made you so. You are strong and resilient. You are flexible and hardworking. So whatever goals that you have, I am confident that you will achieve them if you put your heart in it. You are special and kind. You’re smart and quick so believe that you can do it. But always bear in mind Who you’re doing it for.✝️❤️
   
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When I was in high school, I wrote a letter to JK Rowling. I remember gathering information on her postal address and the means to deliver it but I ended up not sending it. The letter was sleeping in my box for 9 years, together with some forgotten journals, letters, and whatnots.

Looking back, I did not have a single regret over that. Otherwise, I’d never have anything to laugh at these days. It was so innocent (and full of grammatical errors) you’d think an 8-year old kid wrote it.

It was printed on a yellow paper with my unapologetic handwriting.

Get ready for the most cringe-worthy letter you’ll ever read from a naive 15-year old Potterhead.

Dear Ms. JK Rowling,


Greetings with love!

Hi, good day! Hoping this letter will reach you (I just hope I had an owl!). I wish that you’re in a good condition now while reading my letter. I’m not very fluent and good in English so hoping that you’ll understand my message.

I wrote to you because I really, really, really admire you. I’m a Harry Potter addict. I read your books and I really love the way you wrote. I wish I could be like you – very imaginative. As others say, “your imagination is the limit.” I hope this doesn’t irritate you but I’ll say it again – I really, really, really, really, really, really admire you. I love the way you made Harry Potter’s life very realistic. And your spells, I really love it. And the characters!! I love all of them especially the “know-it-all” Hermione Granger. She’s very clever and very intelligent. Uhm… actually we’re a “bit” similar. And I’ll never forget the best headmaster Hogwarts had ever seen – Albus Dumbledore. Well, actually Ms. JK, I really cried when I read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. What will happen to Harry in book 7? (Oh! I haven’t read book 7 yet!! Money shortage!) And if I’ll get a chance to meet and talk to you, 1 day will not be enough for us to “tackle” about HP. But of course, I haven’t got broomstick for me to get to your place. How I wish I had a Firebolt but a Nimbus 2008 will do. It will be an honor for me to meet you but that would be impossible, so as long as this letter will reach in your possession – it is my great pleasure. Ooooops!!! Before I forget, I just wanna say THANK YOU because I was inspired by you. Others say you book doesn’t do good because it’s all about witchcraft and magic but they’re just saying those things because they haven’t got the chance to read it. Or understand it. But either way, I want you to know that I learned a lot from your book. I know I’ll have no chance to meet you and know you better but please give me the chance to describe you – an extraordinary woman with extraordinary talent! The woman behind the famous story of Harry Potter. (I wish there’s book 8, 9, 10, 11, etc.)

And if it’s okay for you, uhm… I’m gonna wait for your reply Ms. JK.

God bless to your family, to your health and to your career!!


Sincerely yours,

Allain Jessel P. Macas, Phil., 15
   
    (Original letter)



Apparently at 15 years old, I was very conscious at my English skills. And if I could have a dollar for every ‘really’ and ‘love’, I’d probably be a millionaire by now.

On a different note, where does this I’m-a-bit-similar-to-Hermione-Granger confidence came from? Or better yet, why is it gone now? ‘Cause I need some of that at this point of my life. Lol.

Seriously, reading past writings is both fun and nostalgic. Not only do you get to see improvements on your grammar and sentence construction, you’re also reminded of your innocence and... your past signature.

But there’s one thing that did not change – I was, am and will always be a Potterhead. ⚡
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I am currently reading Mark Manson's book entitled The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life. Why, I don't know. I stumbled upon this book on a Facebook group that I also randomly joined in. I think this year, I officially shifted from novel to self-help books. Hashtag I need help.

Anyway, this is not a book review as I am still on the 6th chapter. But there are just some points in the book that are so hard to ignore. Especially because today I got to experience and reflect on one of the most essential concepts-- fault and responsibility.

As few people know, (channeling The Script) I've got a new job now in the unemployment line. So I had to find a part-time job online just because. Fast forward, I'm now working as an English teacher in a home-based online English school. Within my first week of teaching, I never encountered any serious problems. None at all. Until today. When I checked my profile, I noticed that I was marked absent in one of my classes yesterday (which by the way I finished successfully). Not to mention, the site malfunctioned at the exact same time. Regardless, they deducted an amount 6 times my earning for 1 class (that's the rule). To give you a clearer picture, if I earn say Php5,000 per class, Php30,000 will be deducted from my total earnings. That's an exaggerated example. But yeah you get the idea. Imagine how outraged I was. It was like volunteering for 6 classes. Why will I pay for something that's not my fault?, I told myself. So then, funnily enough, I remembered what I have read in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. No, it wasn't my fault. But it's my responsibility now. To borrow the words of Mark Manson, you can think of it this way-- fault is past tense; responsibility is present tense. It may or may not be my fault but it is my responsibility now that it has entered my life. So instead of explicitly blaming them for the situation, I gathered and sent some proofs that I really finished my class. While implicitly blaming them still. Just kidding.

We all have this tendency to blame others (or anything but ourselves) for our messed up situation and refuse to take responsibility but again to quote Mark Manson, we are responsible for experiences that aren't our fault all the time. This is part of life. He made a point by giving this example: For instance, you woke up one day and there was a newborn baby on your doorstep. It would not be your fault that the baby has been put there but the baby would now be your responsibility. And whatever you choose to do from that point onwards or not choose to do (which basically is also a choice) will be your responsibility as well.

The point is that whatever the state of your life is right now, chances are it's your fault. Or somebody else's. Or the result of the world's injustice. But one thing for sure is: it's your responsibility. And I believe there's so much power in that. ðŸ˜Š

PS. They already removed my penalty.
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It all started way back in 2012 when I heard Give Me Love in one of the episodes of The Vampire Diaries- which was also my favorite scene of #Klaroline and #Delena. Trust me, it was the perfect song. Check this out:


It was so beautiful that I just had to listen to the whole song. That's when I found out about Ed's music. His debut album '+' was released the previous year and I realized it was not too late to join the club. This may sound really dramatic but his music just captured my heart in a way that no other music had. It lightens up my mood and uplifts me in seconds. Deep. But that's not to say I don't appreciate other artists- I do, of course. Anyway, Kiss Me, another song from the album was featured in season 4 of TVD again. And it has also become one of my favorite songs in '+'.


I mean it's hard to pick just one song. My personal favorites would have to be Small Bump, This, Kiss Me, Give Me Love and Gold Rush. But I love the entire album. This was actually my summer jam during my OJT at Cebu last 2013. My friends had no other choice but to listen to this album on loop for 2 months. But then again, they kept on mocking me so we're even. Haha.

Of course, I couldn't get enough of Ed Sheeran. I watched all his live performances on Youtube, even interviews. He could do wonders with his unbelievable voice, his martin guitar and the loop station. Incredible talent.

So when he announced that he'd be releasing a new album... I DID MY WAITING! 12 YEARS OF IT! IN AZKABAN!



And just when you thought it couldn't get any better, Multiply 'x' came out with even more lovely songs. So I immediately downloaded all the lyrics of the songs and added the album to my Spotify playlist. I'm in love with Don't, Photograph, Tenerife Sea, Thinking Out Loud (yes, even though it's a bit tortured) and Afire Love.

My respect for Ed has increased even more when I found out that he wrote One Direction's Little Things and Justin Bieber's Love Yourself (and Cold Water). And many more! If he had included Little Things in one of his albums, I could imagine it in 'x'. And Love Yourself would probably be on his latest album. But that's just me.

So then after Ed's hiatus and a 3-year gap from his previous album, he released earlier this March his best album by far - Divide. 



Dive, Perfect, Happier, What Do I Know, How Would You Feel and Supermarket Flowers (shameless cover here) are my top songs on this album. It's taking the music world by storm. Conquering charts after charts. There's no stopping this guy.

Is it normal to feel possessive right now? Haha. I feel like the world should know him but at the same time, I just want to keep his music to myself. But no matter, I'm sure Ed wants to inspire more people just like what it did to me on a personal level. ðŸ˜Š
To Ed, thank you for your music. 
❤️️
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This is one of those days that I have difficulty in expressing myself in words. My thoughts are stars I can’t fathom into constellations. Phew, finally able to use that line. Thanks, John Green.

Anyway, while my friend and I were waiting for our dinner to be served in Da Vinci, I noticed a teenager just outside the restaurant. He’s around 13-15 years old. He has nothing except a rugged shirt and short pants; and the plastic bag that he was carrying with him. Food, probably. He doesn’t have slippers either. He was begging for some penny and food from the by-passers. And while he was doing this, I was just watching him with an overwhelming realization... boy was I privileged. Privileged enough to be able to go to a school of my choice, to a place where I wanted to kick off my career and whatnot. Usually, I don’t really acknowledge this kind of feeling. Because I don’t want to look at people and pity them and then feel like I’m the luckiest person on the planet. What a wrong notion, I thought. Does that mean that if I see someone who has a better lifestyle than mine, I’d feel shitty about the life that I’m living? And start wishing to have theirs instead? Isn’t the mark of a grateful heart lies on being thankful and contented of your life even though people may have worse or better? Really, I’m just talking to myself for the most part. But I was also thinking if I really have enough, or even more, is there something that I could have given for the less fortunate? Like what? Give them coins? Clothes? Food for today’s consumption? But what about tomorrow? The next day? And the day after that?

Sometimes, I feel like there’s more that I could have done but often times, I feel like there’s none.


(October 22, 2015 8:44PM)
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I had a good night sleep even though I spent probably the first 3o minutes twisting and turning. My best friends and I had one of the most meaningful conversations yesterday evening.

It started when I recommended the book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. From there, we had an awesome exchange of ideas of ways to nurture ourselves. It's one of those moments when I realized I have never truly appreciated my friends for who they are. Every time they talk about religious doctrines and stuff, I always feel small and inexperienced but yesterday, I didn't. I read all their messages and I found myself thanking God for their existence. That's not to say I wasn't grateful in the past but I was underappreciating them. And it wasn't until yesterday that I have seen the beauty of having this set of friends. They help me question and eventually improve my spiritual aspect.

I also learned this in Essentialism- you need to distinguish the vital few from the trivial many. I believe faith comes first among everything else. And I have never encountered a more straightforward advice: remove activities (yes, even the good ones) that do not really help or are not aligned to your core purpose. That way you could focus all your time and energy to make that highest contribution- to operate at that point. It's not just liberating but an eye-opening advice I have gotten from an author who really lived his words.

I woke up and still realize I haven't completely removed that instinct to please and impress people but I paused and told myself that it's a process- a gradual one for that matter. So I'm doing just fine.

Committing in this kind of philosophy is gonna be hard for me but I shall make it. I'm gonna pursue it like my life depends on it- because it does.


(March 8, 2017 9:56AM)


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Not to be self-proclaimed or anything but I tend to be a jack-of-all-trades, master of none. By definition, a jack-of-all-trades is a person who can do many different types of work but who is not necessarily very competent at any of them. It implies that by trying to learn many things, you give up the mastery of any of them. But there's an interesting idea from David Cole that this is a myth (let's talk about that some other time). I guess what I'm trying to say is despite the many things that I would like to do at the same time, it helps to define objectives and targets in my blogging life. I find it challenging to extract these from my ever-disorganized mind but I'll give it a shot. So here are my blogging goals for the time being:

1. Have an end-of-the-week entry. Along with my posts every now and then, I intend to maintain a weekly entry that will highlight my week's favorites. Be it in music, tv shows and everything else under my leisure list.

2. Be original. As much as possible. I mean it's hard to perceive what's original or not these days. I've seen a lot of people use someone's idea and pretend it's their own. It kind of disgusts me in all honestly. However, there's really no such thing as starting from scratch. What I want to emphasize is although I could get inspiration from other blogs, I'd still be able to create something unique that would express who I really am. But at the same time giving credit to where it is due.

3. Write not just for the sake of writing. I hope I don't compromise this because of my first commitment. So you know what they say, make writing a habit. And as cliché as it may sound, always write from the heart.

4. Minimize linking other photos. Refer to number 2 and you'll know I'm a bit of a hypocrite. Half-kidding. The photos that I've used for my past entries are from different blogs (I put credits at the bottom) because I'm such a rookie at photo editing. But I'll try to make my own (or perhaps use fotor) from now on.

5. Interact more with bloggers. This is challenging than I thought. I want to think that I'm selectively social/ambivert or whatever label or category people made in order to comfort themselves. So I commit to take baby steps in interacting more with different kinds of bloggers to widen my perspective.

6. Make money out of blogging. Now this is the difficult part. I don't like to do it because of the profit but since there is an opportunity, let's let it in. Also, we're paying for the domain so we want the return of investment, don't we? I just do not know how to put ads and carry this out without annoying the readers (myself included). This is something I have to research first.

7. Have fun! And don't take everything too seriously.

There you have it, ladies and gents, my 7 blogging goals that would most likely be just a drive for the next few months. To be fair to myself, I hope not.








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I don’t pretend to know everything but this I know: One of the best things you can offer to someone is your honesty. And I mean that in every angle and corners of this universe. No one ever desires for hurtful words but I’d rather be told the truth than live with lies. I don’t deserve lies. No one does.

That is why I opted for the most obvious resolution of a long-time running dilemma. I cannot cite different circumstance here. I only have mine to specify.. in the hope that people with the same situation can get something out of this (as I did from the article I've come across that inspire me to write this).

Nothing is as distracting as the feeling as though you’re trapped somewhere between confusion, expectation and uncertainty (Actually, I don’t know what I’m trying to get at). Having someone to care for you is one thing. Having someone you want to take care of is another. And you know what they say, “It’s pretty much the human condition. The people we want don’t want us. The people who want us, we don’t want. When there’s a rare exception to that rule, we call it love.” Some may disagree with that definition of love but my point is, that exception never occurred with me and the person I’m dragging along with this blog post.

It’s been, what, roughly 2 years since we started hanging out as no less than two people sharing common interests but no more than lovers, that I can assure. Of course, there were confidence being boosted, and assumptions being expected. But the latter was never met. We weren’t ready for anything. At all. That’s funny because I claim to be the love guru wannabe (?).

Long story short, he gathered his strength and asked permission to pursue me. Unfortunately, we’re now in a quite different spectrum. So different that I can’t even remind myself of how common we were not-so-long time ago. Or maybe we really were not. Thing is that it bothered me so much of how I should relay something heartbreaking as that. I never want to affect people in a negative way let alone to break someone (because I know how that feels). At first, I could not grasp the idea that one person could actually have that power over somebody. I do not want that power as much as I don’t want anybody to have that over me. I wanted to just disappear and leave everything unanswered like I did a couple of times because I thought that was way easier than going through a lot of dramas and awkward encounters. Obviously, I was wrong. I should know that because if the fate was reversed, I would never want to be left hanging with uncertainties. More than a month of thinking and weighing things up, I decided to get over myself and did ourselves a favor. I let honesty speak for itself and prayed that it would liberate both of us from the situation.

Sure, it was one of the most uncomfortable confrontation but hadn’t I done it as early as now, he would have believed I’m just trying to play hard to get and I would have carried this ever-growing guilt, perplexity, and annoyance bottled together.
  • 5/31/14 1:21am

(Image from this site.)
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