Playing Fair
I don’t pretend to know everything but this I know: One of the best things you can offer to someone is your honesty. And I mean that in every angle and corners of this universe. No one ever desires for hurtful words but I’d rather be told the truth than live with lies. I don’t deserve lies. No one does.
That is why I opted for the most obvious resolution of a long-time running dilemma. I cannot cite different circumstance here. I only have mine to specify.. in the hope that people with the same situation can get something out of this (as I did from the article I've come across that inspire me to write this).
Nothing is as distracting as the feeling as though you’re trapped somewhere between confusion, expectation and uncertainty (Actually, I don’t know what I’m trying to get at). Having someone to care for you is one thing. Having someone you want to take care of is another. And you know what they say, “It’s pretty much the human condition. The people we want don’t want us. The people who want us, we don’t want. When there’s a rare exception to that rule, we call it love.” Some may disagree with that definition of love but my point is, that exception never occurred with me and the person I’m dragging along with this blog post.
It’s been, what, roughly 2 years since we started hanging out as no less than two people sharing common interests but no more than lovers, that I can assure. Of course, there were confidence being boosted, and assumptions being expected. But the latter was never met. We weren’t ready for anything. At all. That’s funny because I claim to be the love guru wannabe (?).
Long story short, he gathered his strength and asked permission to pursue me. Unfortunately, we’re now in a quite different spectrum. So different that I can’t even remind myself of how common we were not-so-long time ago. Or maybe we really were not. Thing is that it bothered me so much of how I should relay something heartbreaking as that. I never want to affect people in a negative way let alone to break someone (because I know how that feels). At first, I could not grasp the idea that one person could actually have that power over somebody. I do not want that power as much as I don’t want anybody to have that over me. I wanted to just disappear and leave everything unanswered like I did a couple of times because I thought that was way easier than going through a lot of dramas and awkward encounters. Obviously, I was wrong. I should know that because if the fate was reversed, I would never want to be left hanging with uncertainties. More than a month of thinking and weighing things up, I decided to get over myself and did ourselves a favor. I let honesty speak for itself and prayed that it would liberate both of us from the situation.
Sure, it was one of the most uncomfortable confrontation but hadn’t I done it as early as now, he would have believed I’m just trying to play hard to get and I would have carried this ever-growing guilt, perplexity, and annoyance bottled together.
- 5/31/14 1:21am
(Image from this site.)
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