Transition
Man, where do I begin. It’s been months since I wrote a lengthy post in my blog. Not that it’s necessary but looking back, it was always when there’s an extreme emotion that I was able to come up with phrases and sentences for my scattered thoughts.
Well, I don’t feel too happy or too sad these days. Sure, I’ve had bad days and good ones but they’re not so remarkable either. Is that a bad thing?
Anyway, this is about my fickle-mindedness lately. Whether it’s because of the major transition from school to the ‘real world’ or just mainly because I’ve been stuck in my chaotic room and the virtual world 24/7, I don’t really know. Or maybe both. I stopped figuring it out.
Apparently, I have stopped figuring things out since forever. It’s because I usually end up (a) overthinking or (b) detaching myself from things and people around me. Which is quite melodramatic, yuck.
I’ve always said that transition is the most difficult thing. Well okay, next to licking your own elbows and sneezing with your eyes open maybe because those are next to impossible. And don’t try them, you’ll fail.
Going back, I think transition is not endearing because people fear change. We fear the unknown. We always want to be in control. And it’s safe to say that I’m in the most difficult transition by far. Not the transition from human to vampire. Although, I would have chosen that if I had the chance. But that switch from trivial problems in school a.k.a teen dramas and paperworks to serious real world dilemmas of grown-ups.
Well just like everybody in this planet, all I can do is move forward. But irony is hitting me on the head real hard. I thought I’ve planned things well. Somehow being one step closer made me fearful and confused. It’s like dreaming to swim in an ocean but once you’re actually there, you get scared by its depth.
I cancelled my flight to Luzon months ago. I felt like I wasn’t prepared in every aspect of my being (wow big word). I felt like I needed to do something first. It’s a never-ending quest, I suppose.
I signed up for the Christian Life Program of Singles For Christ community but I only attended two sessions and then gone like an irresponsible member. Not to mention, almost the same time last year I also joined CLP of the other chapter and did the exact same boycotting. No big reasons, trust me. It’s mainly because I have a lazy arse to show up.
So, my parents enrolled me in a swimming lesson. I thought, yeah sure why not I need to learn the proper strokes. We paid for 10 sessions and I only showed up 4 times. How generous of me.
Then I just kept on changing my mind from time to time; signing up for anything I think would be cool and losing interest before the sun sets; applying on online jobs just to keep me occupied; thinking of joining singing contest just to annoy people and realizing it’s probably not a good idea.
Don’t expect for a plot twist. That’s not gonna happen here. It still is an on-going process of this overwhelmed mind of yours truly. The difference maybe is that I’ve learned to never take myself too seriously. It’s kind of stressful and you get lots of acne during the process.
Well, aren’t we all work in progress?
- 2015 entry
(Image from this site.)
0 Comments