Thrivin Soul

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Not to be self-proclaimed or anything but I tend to be a jack-of-all-trades, master of none. By definition, a jack-of-all-trades is a person who can do many different types of work but who is not necessarily very competent at any of them. It implies that by trying to learn many things, you give up the mastery of any of them. But there's an interesting idea from David Cole that this is a myth (let's talk about that some other time). I guess what I'm trying to say is despite the many things that I would like to do at the same time, it helps to define objectives and targets in my blogging life. I find it challenging to extract these from my ever-disorganized mind but I'll give it a shot. So here are my blogging goals for the time being:

1. Have an end-of-the-week entry. Along with my posts every now and then, I intend to maintain a weekly entry that will highlight my week's favorites. Be it in music, tv shows and everything else under my leisure list.

2. Be original. As much as possible. I mean it's hard to perceive what's original or not these days. I've seen a lot of people use someone's idea and pretend it's their own. It kind of disgusts me in all honestly. However, there's really no such thing as starting from scratch. What I want to emphasize is although I could get inspiration from other blogs, I'd still be able to create something unique that would express who I really am. But at the same time giving credit to where it is due.

3. Write not just for the sake of writing. I hope I don't compromise this because of my first commitment. So you know what they say, make writing a habit. And as cliché as it may sound, always write from the heart.

4. Minimize linking other photos. Refer to number 2 and you'll know I'm a bit of a hypocrite. Half-kidding. The photos that I've used for my past entries are from different blogs (I put credits at the bottom) because I'm such a rookie at photo editing. But I'll try to make my own (or perhaps use fotor) from now on.

5. Interact more with bloggers. This is challenging than I thought. I want to think that I'm selectively social/ambivert or whatever label or category people made in order to comfort themselves. So I commit to take baby steps in interacting more with different kinds of bloggers to widen my perspective.

6. Make money out of blogging. Now this is the difficult part. I don't like to do it because of the profit but since there is an opportunity, let's let it in. Also, we're paying for the domain so we want the return of investment, don't we? I just do not know how to put ads and carry this out without annoying the readers (myself included). This is something I have to research first.

7. Have fun! And don't take everything too seriously.

There you have it, ladies and gents, my 7 blogging goals that would most likely be just a drive for the next few months. To be fair to myself, I hope not.








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I don’t pretend to know everything but this I know: One of the best things you can offer to someone is your honesty. And I mean that in every angle and corners of this universe. No one ever desires for hurtful words but I’d rather be told the truth than live with lies. I don’t deserve lies. No one does.

That is why I opted for the most obvious resolution of a long-time running dilemma. I cannot cite different circumstance here. I only have mine to specify.. in the hope that people with the same situation can get something out of this (as I did from the article I've come across that inspire me to write this).

Nothing is as distracting as the feeling as though you’re trapped somewhere between confusion, expectation and uncertainty (Actually, I don’t know what I’m trying to get at). Having someone to care for you is one thing. Having someone you want to take care of is another. And you know what they say, “It’s pretty much the human condition. The people we want don’t want us. The people who want us, we don’t want. When there’s a rare exception to that rule, we call it love.” Some may disagree with that definition of love but my point is, that exception never occurred with me and the person I’m dragging along with this blog post.

It’s been, what, roughly 2 years since we started hanging out as no less than two people sharing common interests but no more than lovers, that I can assure. Of course, there were confidence being boosted, and assumptions being expected. But the latter was never met. We weren’t ready for anything. At all. That’s funny because I claim to be the love guru wannabe (?).

Long story short, he gathered his strength and asked permission to pursue me. Unfortunately, we’re now in a quite different spectrum. So different that I can’t even remind myself of how common we were not-so-long time ago. Or maybe we really were not. Thing is that it bothered me so much of how I should relay something heartbreaking as that. I never want to affect people in a negative way let alone to break someone (because I know how that feels). At first, I could not grasp the idea that one person could actually have that power over somebody. I do not want that power as much as I don’t want anybody to have that over me. I wanted to just disappear and leave everything unanswered like I did a couple of times because I thought that was way easier than going through a lot of dramas and awkward encounters. Obviously, I was wrong. I should know that because if the fate was reversed, I would never want to be left hanging with uncertainties. More than a month of thinking and weighing things up, I decided to get over myself and did ourselves a favor. I let honesty speak for itself and prayed that it would liberate both of us from the situation.

Sure, it was one of the most uncomfortable confrontation but hadn’t I done it as early as now, he would have believed I’m just trying to play hard to get and I would have carried this ever-growing guilt, perplexity, and annoyance bottled together.
  • 5/31/14 1:21am

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Man, where do I begin. It’s been months since I wrote a lengthy post in my blog. Not that it’s necessary but looking back, it was always when there’s an extreme emotion that I was able to come up with phrases and sentences for my scattered thoughts.

Well, I don’t feel too happy or too sad these days. Sure, I’ve had bad days and good ones but they’re not so remarkable either. Is that a bad thing?

Anyway, this is about my fickle-mindedness lately. Whether it’s because of the major transition from school to the ‘real world’ or just mainly because I’ve been stuck in my chaotic room and the virtual world 24/7, I don’t really know. Or maybe both. I stopped figuring it out.

Apparently, I have stopped figuring things out since forever. It’s because I usually end up (a) overthinking or (b) detaching myself from things and people around me. Which is quite melodramatic, yuck.

I’ve always said that transition is the most difficult thing. Well okay, next to licking your own elbows and sneezing with your eyes open maybe because those are next to impossible. And don’t try them, you’ll fail.

Going back, I think transition is not endearing because people fear change. We fear the unknown. We always want to be in control. And it’s safe to say that I’m in the most difficult transition by far. Not the transition from human to vampire. Although, I would have chosen that if I had the chance. But that switch from trivial problems in school a.k.a teen dramas and paperworks to serious real world dilemmas of grown-ups.

Well just like everybody in this planet, all I can do is move forward. But irony is hitting me on the head real hard. I thought I’ve planned things well. Somehow being one step closer made me fearful and confused. It’s like dreaming to swim in an ocean but once you’re actually there, you get scared by its depth.

I cancelled my flight to Luzon months ago. I felt like I wasn’t prepared in every aspect of my being (wow big word). I felt like I needed to do something first. It’s a never-ending quest, I suppose.

I signed up for the Christian Life Program of Singles For Christ community but I only attended two sessions and then gone like an irresponsible member. Not to mention, almost the same time last year I also joined CLP of the other chapter and did the exact same boycotting. No big reasons, trust me. It’s mainly because I have a lazy arse to show up.

So, my parents enrolled me in a swimming lesson. I thought, yeah sure why not I need to learn the proper strokes. We paid for 10 sessions and I only showed up 4 times. How generous of me.

Then I just kept on changing my mind from time to time; signing up for anything I think would be cool and losing interest before the sun sets; applying on online jobs just to keep me occupied; thinking of joining singing contest just to annoy people and realizing it’s probably not a good idea.

Don’t expect for a plot twist. That’s not gonna happen here. It still is an on-going process of this overwhelmed mind of yours truly. The difference maybe is that I’ve learned to never take myself too seriously. It’s kind of stressful and you get lots of acne during the process.

Well, aren’t we all work in progress?
  • 2015 entry

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How could I go back to trusting my words? My thoughts were all traveling with no definite destinations these days. There are days when I wanted to grab hold of them (although I’m sure requires utmost effort) and put them into writing. But oftentimes, I just let them glide through my brain to avoid overthinking. Both are tormenting one way or another. And all these magnified in every waking hour of my life, being stuck in the four corners of my chaotic room. It could well be a metaphor for my thoughts. No, actually to say that my room is organized is rather an understatement in comparison.

What do I really want to become, I found myself finally recognizing the question I’ve been dodging for so long. Not because I’m afraid of the answer but because I don’t have one. I have dramatically convinced myself to not dwell on this matter until I could define a bold response. Yet staying in my cave for almost 20 hours a day for the past weeks didn’t contribute to my trying-hard-to-be-optimistic approach. On the contrary, it has been adding weight to the subject while expecting some empty rebuttals from me, as if the thought itself wasn’t enough to suppress my mind.

Though, I must say that I no longer have resorted to some crying-for-nothing scenarios. Still, the paranoia hasn’t diminished over the past months. I thought of pursuing a career in music but ended laughing at myself instead. No, let’s keep that talent hidden, shall we? No standards, no disappointments. Just fun. That seemed to be a comforting idea, yes. I’ll stick to that.

Over and over, I tried talking some sense into me every time a distressing matter sprouts. But it’s only just a matter of time when we must all face that thing we’ve feared most.

And I’m still stuck here discovering things I am capable of doing and emotions I am capable of handling. Well, life goes on.
  • 2015 entry

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It's 2AM. I can't believe I've wasted spent the whole Saturday listening to Charlie and Selena complain about how they don't talk anymore, eating coco crunch, and desperately looking and editing a minimalist theme for this blog.

If there's one thing that I am extremely good at, it's giving my 101% in the first few steps of my dreams. And just like a story that hits its climax, I then begin to lose the energy. Sounds like a true Aries. So I quote, 

"Aries are notorious for not finishing what they have begun. This is due to the low tolerance for boredom and lack of patience. If the excitement is gone from their business idea, they go off and search for it elsewhere."

This holds true for every activity that I do, mind you. Even blogging. Especially blogging. I started in Tumblr when I first had my laptop in 2009. Deleted it and transferred to WordPress. I think I've registered in Blogger between these times, because this account was made in 2011. Which I had no memory of, apparently. I was quite disoriented in WordPress so I went back to Tumblr after a year. Oh boy, we do have a love-hate relationship, don't we?

Anyway, just this year when I first had my debit card (this is the only part of being a grown-up that I really enjoy), I decided to finally purchase a domain name! Decided. Not actually purchased yet. Because I didn't know where and how to start.

Cut to the chase, here I am. Trying to build this thing up. I just want my blog to be semi-ready when I finally buy my own domain name. Also I'm having a personal debate on what name to register. So there's that. Here's to hoping I'll go far!





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