Detours and Destination
I remember when I was in Grade 3, it was the first
time I acknowledged that I want to be a teacher someday. Perhaps because my mom
is an educator herself or the classroom became one of the first and familiar
environment that I've been exposed to. Or maybe both. I would ask my mom to
bring me small chalkboards and materials to recreate a mini classroom at home.
At the time, I thought I was already firm with my decisions- no time for second
thoughts. I was halfway through elementary so you need to pull yourself
together, I remember telling myself. Just kidding.
So growing up, just like any other human being in
this planet, I developed interest in different fields. Once, I pictured myself
in police uniform (dad's a retired officer) holding a gun, chasing the goons
and investigating crime scenes. I just thought it was cool. Then that interest
shifted from one to another. Until in high school (even up to college) when I
had a secret obsession with the prefix 'atty.' so I'd scribble my name with it.
Oh ghad, how I wished to enroll in law school. I love intelligent arguments,
logical and deductive reasoning and everything that has to do with annoying
people. I had the proper motivation to become a lawyer, right? Wrong.
Long story short, I was so confused on what I
really wanted to become so I decided to be an engineer. Whaaaat?! Yes, I've
always loved math but then I discovered, perhaps a bit late, that engineering
was more of physics. Man, I hate physics. We do have a love-hate relationship.
But eventually I learned to love the subject. Not the entire course, though.
You see, I did sign up for electronics engineering because half of our high
school class (or maybe even more) were into it. Believe me, ECE was quite a
thing in our time. It was hilarious but helpful at the same time to be with the
same company of friends as I entered college. I was ready for battle. Or so I
thought.
It wasn't until we started having major subjects
that I realized how screwed I was. I kept complaining about everything-
passively and actively. I was mediocre and I hated it. Though, I didn't have a
failing grade (except a semester-extension for our thesis), I wasn't contented
with my performance in school. The disappointments projected in every area of
my being if I'm being honest. My once organized self turned into an indecisive
version. But to be fair to my efforts and to my parents', I decided to finish
the race one last time. I spent 6 excruciating months of review for the board
exam. I trained myself to focus only on the matters at hand; refused to
entertain negative thoughts and prayed earnestly to achieve that one goal: to
pass the board exam.
With the grace of God, I did pass the exam. Don't
get me wrong, although I complain (90% of the time) that this profession is not
for me, I still feel genuinely grateful for passing. It was after all the
result of prayer, persistence and support from my family and friends. It's
still one of the defining moments of my career.
But what comes next?, I asked myself. When the
hype came to an end, I had no career goals, no purpose whatsoever. ‘Where do
you see yourself in 5 years?' was officially my most hated interview
question.. of all time. The only goal I had was to work away from home. Just
anywhere but home. Not that I hate home but I wanted to experience working on
my own. Have a space of my own, responsibility of my own and of course- freedom
in a new place. Little did I know that you could never really save much if you
work away from home with just enough income to buy the monthly groceries, pay
the monthly rent and all the things included in adulthood. From Cebu, I moved
back in (due to another company offer- which turned out to be a misfortune)
with a little to no money. Aside from the savings I had in my account, I went
home with yet another question in mind as to where I wanted to work. It wasn't
even a question of where actually but of what.
Funny that with a lot of opportunities in our profession, I couldn't settle for
more than 6 months in a workplace. I hated my indecisiveness as much as my
parents hated it.
I felt like I was only working in engineering
industry because I have to, and that it's gonna be a waste not
to work in this arena given I already have the license. So once again, I gave
it another shot. I took the offer of the company here in Iligan- even though I
was swapped from my original position (related to my profession) to a much
lower position (non-related) because of reasons I don't want to reiterate. But
I convinced myself that it's okay and that everyone starts from the bottom.
It didn't have to stop there, I thought. While trying
my luck in the company, I enrolled in a crash course in professional teaching
in IIT (because I don’t want to regret not trying). So after office hours, I
would head straight to my night classes. Mind you, it was exhausting and I
almost gave up my classes. Bread before head, my classmate once
told me. Fortunately, it wasn't a battle between bread and head but rather
where I am and where I want to be. I was still privileged enough.
Six months had passed but the idea of teaching in
senior high school never left my mind. I have spent the entire year validating
myself, gaining the approval of my parents and trying (and failing) to go
beyond my career mediocrity. I believe it's about time to brush it all off and
pursue what I really want and what God wants me to do. If money won't
matter, what would I be doing today? I assessed myself with series of
question and every time, I came up with the same answer: teaching.
I was at peace the moment I acknowledged that. And
I know some people will never understand at first. By people I mean my mom and
dad. Lol. But I know they'll come around once they see how happy I am with my
decision- how teaching, among all profession, excites me and makes me want to
improve not just my skills but myself in general.
It still is a
long way to go. It's not rainbows and butterflies. And I have to step up my
game to be able to get that position in the academe. There will be bumps along
the road: students who will add stress on a daily basis, paperworks, and
co-teachers who won't be of same frequency. There will be struggles in
teaching- just like in any other profession for that matter. But at least, I
will be struggling in an environment that I love.
Now I know, life will take you to some detours-
but all those roads will eventually lead to where your destination is.
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